Sunday, September 23, 2012

The secret...

This is the view from my weekly hike. Gorgeous right? I was not feeling it today and hit that wall pretty early on, I couldn't muster the energy but instead of cutting it short I set a goal of the rocks up about 1500 feet but it seemed impossible.

So I did what I've done for a lot of agonizing and long term tasks. Instead of planning to make it to the rocks I picked a spot a few yards ahead and then rested. The branches or the next switchback and I made my way even skipping over the one scary part and didn't notice until after. I was focusing on the next big rock to rest. Distraction from the terrifying worked.

I am terrified of heights and can't do a Ferris wheel with my eyes open. But I really wanted to go higher and so I stopped worrying about how the hell I was going to get down as I climbed up. I'd never take the first step if I did. It still gets tricky in some spots and I know I'm slower where it's really steep but it's getting easier.

So that's my secret. Keep trying. It took me 4 years to get a 2 year degree because I was living on my own and paying my way through school myself. And another 6 years to finish the bachelors degree. That's 10 years for a 4 year degree. I wish it hadn't taken so long and I had to take breaks to earn more money but I made it through. I lived with 5 other girls at first then in a crappy studio across the street from a druggie park that I walked around after the bus dropped me off at 11pm. And I had mice and woke up at night when they'd crawl on my kitchen/bedroom floor. Seriously, my bed was in the kitchen. Then I'd wake up to mouse traps snapping. I don't miss that.

It sucked but the only goal I had was getting a degree. Now that I have a masters degree I'm seriously considering a PhD. Something I only ever dreamed about.

I kept going today because it was only just a little further and then I could rest, and a little further after that. Then maybe a few more yards....

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